Kicking it to the curb

I’m reading Beth Moore’s new book (So Long Insecurity) and wow! Before beginning the book, I looked back on the past and saw how insecure I was as a child, a teen and in my early 20’s. The attitudes and actions that accompany insecurity are obvious and are not pretty to be sure. I’m grateful that a few years ago the Lord in His great mercy gave me the awareness and grace to release myself from one of the ugliest forms of insecurity…perfectionism. It is a huge cover for insecurity and was my M.O. for far too long. I should apologize to anyone who knew me then…when I had bangs every hair had to be perfectly placed. This was not an easy feat for a curly-haired girl trying to make her hair straight in an extremely humid climate! My shirt had to be perfectly tucked in and then bloused just so. My nail polish had to exactly match my outfit, even if that meant changing the polish on a daily basis. Oh, the drama of it all. How did anyone stand to be around me?! It was ESSENTIAL for everything about my appearance to be a certain way, or so I thought. A person will go insane trying to keep this up and trying to figure out who she is expected to be according to other people, the media, and the world. Learning to see myself as God sees me enabled me to release myself from this constant perceived need to be perfect. As I began this new book, I thought I was in a pretty good place of “security”. Before I had even finished chapter 2, I was blown away by the feelings of insecurity that still fill my thoughts...the self-doubt, the anxiety, the self-consciousness, the wonderings of my place and purpose in the world. With one big ugly element of insecurity behind me and my eyes opened wide to its nasty relatives, I’m ready to kick these lingering feelings to the curb and live victoriously.