My last day of employment was Wednesday, May 12. Not because of corporate downsizing or a shrinking economy…by choice…and not because of laziness or a lack of ambition…by the Lord’s guidance. Through much prayer and asking: Is this really the best course of action for me at this time? Will this ultimately bring glory and honor to God? Will this bring me closer in my walk with Him? I received confirmation after confirmation that this was the choice I should make. God’s word illuminated to me, the wise counsel of others He has placed in my life, the unrest and uneasiness in continuing the path I was on…all led me to conclude that yes, this was what I was to do. During my final two weeks of work, I was blessed with encouragement and direction for the next step. No, I don’t have a job waiting in the wings, in fact I don’t even know when or what my next role will be. My current assignment is rest, reflection and restoration.
Come away to a quiet place and rest. - Mark 6:31
This time of rest doesn’t mean I will be doing “nothing”. It is a time for praying, thinking, listening, regrouping, refocusing and re-charting my course.
Our society thrives on noise, hurry, crowds, muchness and manyness. Yet Jesus promises to give us rest. (see Matthew 11:28) During this rest, I will reflect on where I’ve been and what God has done in me, through me and for me.
Walk about Zion, go around her, number her towers, consider well her ramparts, go through her citadels, that you may tell the next generation that this is God, our God forever and ever. He will guide us forever. - Psalm 48:12-14
The Lord has blessed me with time and opportunity to rest, to come away from obligations and over commitments, to return to a quiet place with the One who gives blessings and teaches lessons and who has wooed me unto Himself since I was a child. I want to reflect on His mercy and steadfast love, His provision and deliverance and healing, and His faithfulness to me. I desire this time of respite to be not solely for my own benefit, but so that I may say to others, “come and see what God has done” (see Psalm 66:5)
I have been weary and weak, beat down by school assignments and work days filled with hours upon hours of desk-time staring at a computer screen, something many people enjoy, but I truly believe I was not created to do. My Lord in His great mercy and love has heard my prayer for rest and has given me time to reflect and for Him to restore.
You visit the earth and water it, you greatly enrich it, the river of God is full of water, you provide their grain, for so you have prepared it. You water its furrow abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth. You crown the year with your bounty, your wagon tracks overflow with abundance. The pastures of the wilderness overflow, the hills gird themselves with joy, the meadows clothe themselves with flocks, the valleys deck themselves with grain, they shout and sing together for joy. - Psalm 65:9-13
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Dawn is Near
I’ve been in a funky place emotionally for far too long. I belong to Christ after all; I should be filled to overflowing with joy every day of my life. Right? Or maybe not, maybe it is ok to feel sad. Maybe my 3-year old nephew is right when he says, “I just want to be sad”. Maybe we just want to be sad sometimes; maybe we need to feel sad sometimes. Jesus even felt sadness. However, He was so connected to the Father that He didn’t linger in His sadness. He trusted God, He trusted the Words spoken before Him. We can’t linger there either. We have to trust God, and we have to believe His Word spoken over us.
The Lord has changed my focus this week. I’ve seen the beauty of His creation in the deep navy sky on a clear night with hundreds or thousands (Who knows how many) tiny stars sparkling in the sky like diamonds. Clear blue daytime skies, warm sunshine and the promise of new life in the bright fushia blooms of the flowers across the street from my office. I’ve received good news and encouragement towards opportunities to fulfill my God-given purpose and to use the talents, skills and joys He has placed in me to bless others. I’ve seen the power of prayers to bring physical healing, lift the spirits of the broken-hearted and restore places long devastated.
God is at work, He is directing divine purpose, and He is active. I can see the light shining through the trees, the dawn is near.
The Lord has changed my focus this week. I’ve seen the beauty of His creation in the deep navy sky on a clear night with hundreds or thousands (Who knows how many) tiny stars sparkling in the sky like diamonds. Clear blue daytime skies, warm sunshine and the promise of new life in the bright fushia blooms of the flowers across the street from my office. I’ve received good news and encouragement towards opportunities to fulfill my God-given purpose and to use the talents, skills and joys He has placed in me to bless others. I’ve seen the power of prayers to bring physical healing, lift the spirits of the broken-hearted and restore places long devastated.
God is at work, He is directing divine purpose, and He is active. I can see the light shining through the trees, the dawn is near.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Trust: Confident expectation of something, hope.
I know what it is like to not trust others. Past hurts and disappointments make it very difficult to just share my hopes and fears and fully let others in. As mentioned in a previous post, I am currently reading Beth Moore's new book (So Long Insecurity). God is really using this book to help me open up; trust Him and the people He is placing in my life. He has blessed me with a sweet group of people who love Him and love others because He lives in them.
One way I am learning to trust others is sharing my hopes and fears and receiving the blessing of their prayers. In anticipation of God’s goodness revealed in my life I have questioned my ability to hear clearly and really believe what I believe He is saying to me. I so want to apply His word to every area of my life and I've felt over the last year He has told me to wait for Him.
Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. – Hebrews 10:36
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. – Isaiah 40:29, 31
And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end – it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay. – Habakkuk 2:2-3
Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10
No doubt, my faith has been tested in the waiting. However, recently I felt Him saying:
“You have seen well, for I am watching over my word to perform it.” – Jeremiah 1:12
“None of my words will be delayed any longer, but the word that I speak will be performed.” – Ezekiel 12:28
Surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! – Psalm 27:13-14
I still await His goodness. Not that He hasn’t been good to me and blessed me beyond measure…He most assuredly has, but with regards to some of my specific hopes and dreams I still await His purposes to be revealed and look for Him to act on my behalf. This very morning in my study of His word it was revealed to me that when Christ gives us His word, He wants us to live in absolute expectation of it, trusting that whether it happens sooner or later, it
will happen.
The trouble is that as I wait, we have a very real enemy who wants to make me doubt what I believe I have heard from the Lord when I go to Him and study His word. I again return to His word and cling to that which tells me to not lose my confidence:
The Lord will guide me always and satisfy my needs – Isaiah 58:11
He will keep me in perfect peace because I trust in Him – Isaiah 26:3
His law is in my heart, my feet will not slip. – Psalm 37:31
I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. – Proverbs 4:11-12
One way I am learning to trust others is sharing my hopes and fears and receiving the blessing of their prayers. In anticipation of God’s goodness revealed in my life I have questioned my ability to hear clearly and really believe what I believe He is saying to me. I so want to apply His word to every area of my life and I've felt over the last year He has told me to wait for Him.
Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. – Hebrews 10:36
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. – Isaiah 40:29, 31
And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end – it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay. – Habakkuk 2:2-3
Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10
No doubt, my faith has been tested in the waiting. However, recently I felt Him saying:
“You have seen well, for I am watching over my word to perform it.” – Jeremiah 1:12
“None of my words will be delayed any longer, but the word that I speak will be performed.” – Ezekiel 12:28
Surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! – Psalm 27:13-14
I still await His goodness. Not that He hasn’t been good to me and blessed me beyond measure…He most assuredly has, but with regards to some of my specific hopes and dreams I still await His purposes to be revealed and look for Him to act on my behalf. This very morning in my study of His word it was revealed to me that when Christ gives us His word, He wants us to live in absolute expectation of it, trusting that whether it happens sooner or later, it
will happen.
The trouble is that as I wait, we have a very real enemy who wants to make me doubt what I believe I have heard from the Lord when I go to Him and study His word. I again return to His word and cling to that which tells me to not lose my confidence:
The Lord will guide me always and satisfy my needs – Isaiah 58:11
He will keep me in perfect peace because I trust in Him – Isaiah 26:3
His law is in my heart, my feet will not slip. – Psalm 37:31
I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. – Proverbs 4:11-12
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Boys Lie
The other day while eating lunch at my mom’s house, my nephew said that he did not want to go home to his house that afternoon. My mom explained to him that his parents and little sister would want to see him and that she would not be home that evening for him to stay there, so he really must go home later. He went off to play for several minutes and returned to my mom and said, “I’ve been talking to mama and I don’t have to go home today”. My mom was shocked…he had certainly not been talking to his mama and had completely made up this little story so that he could get what he wanted. Wow, even at three years old we are programmed to lie to get what we want. It’s a funny little story and we’ve all laughed about it, but the truth is, we arrive on earth with a very real sin nature. Unless we turn to the Lord and let Him place good things in our hearts, we will continue to develop our sin nature and indulge our fleshly desires.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. -Galatians 5:22-23
This little incident, along with many other recent events…mainly a recurring question posed to me regarding my single status, and my commitment to allowing the Lord, through the So Long Insecurity Bible study, to weed out any areas of insecurity lingering in me has brought to me a very interesting revelation…
I had a conversation a few weeks ago with someone who talked about just being open and telling people how they feel. I found this really interesting because I tend to be very, very guarded when first meeting someone…male, female, young, old…I hold my cards close, very close until I feel like I know them pretty well. And the greater the perceived risk of hurt, the greater the wall that guards me. But, what if I’m missing out on valuable friendships and opportunities because of fear? Mostly fear of their trustworthiness. (We’ve already established our natural inclination to lying) Healthy fear protects us from danger, but what about fear that hinders our relationships with others or worse yet, keeps us from ever developing some relationships? Fear that holds us back from others may hold us back from the abundant life that Christ came for us to claim and embrace.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. -John 10:10
I love Leigh McLeroy’s mantra: speak what you feel, not what you ought to say. Believing that, doing that, opens us up to release our fears and be real with others...regardless of what they choose to do or how they think and feel about us.
Fear and distrust developed into insecurity for me when I realized that boys lie. To get what they want. To get out of doing what they don’t want to do. Girls lie too. Sadly enough, they are vicious and will turn on one another in an instant. We should encourage one another. It is a cruel, cruel world out there and we need each other, to build one another up and not tear one another down. Our natural response so often is to lie and not just for selfish reasons, but even simple things, like saying that we’ve read a book or visited a city so as not to look uninformed or uncultured in someone’s eyes. I think this one is pride, and it's a whole other monster to be tackled on a different day!
So, how does this relate to the recurring question of my single status? When a question or some piece of information is repeatedly asked of me or placed before me, eventually I will dig deeper to see if I need to research the issue. I can’t seem to go more than a week without having this question asked of me, so I’m looking for answers. I fully believe that God is good and has protected my heart from being completely broken by a relationship not ordained by Him. He is leading me in His word and if He desires to change my singleness, He will do that too. My prayer is that He will make me ready for whatever the future holds by helping me to weed out any bits of insecurity that clutter my soul and interfere with the purposes He calls me to. The Christian life is a fierce battle, but with the Lord’s help, fear and mistrust will no longer hinder my relationships or keep me from speaking what I feel.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. -Galatians 5:22-23
This little incident, along with many other recent events…mainly a recurring question posed to me regarding my single status, and my commitment to allowing the Lord, through the So Long Insecurity Bible study, to weed out any areas of insecurity lingering in me has brought to me a very interesting revelation…
I had a conversation a few weeks ago with someone who talked about just being open and telling people how they feel. I found this really interesting because I tend to be very, very guarded when first meeting someone…male, female, young, old…I hold my cards close, very close until I feel like I know them pretty well. And the greater the perceived risk of hurt, the greater the wall that guards me. But, what if I’m missing out on valuable friendships and opportunities because of fear? Mostly fear of their trustworthiness. (We’ve already established our natural inclination to lying) Healthy fear protects us from danger, but what about fear that hinders our relationships with others or worse yet, keeps us from ever developing some relationships? Fear that holds us back from others may hold us back from the abundant life that Christ came for us to claim and embrace.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. -John 10:10
I love Leigh McLeroy’s mantra: speak what you feel, not what you ought to say. Believing that, doing that, opens us up to release our fears and be real with others...regardless of what they choose to do or how they think and feel about us.
Fear and distrust developed into insecurity for me when I realized that boys lie. To get what they want. To get out of doing what they don’t want to do. Girls lie too. Sadly enough, they are vicious and will turn on one another in an instant. We should encourage one another. It is a cruel, cruel world out there and we need each other, to build one another up and not tear one another down. Our natural response so often is to lie and not just for selfish reasons, but even simple things, like saying that we’ve read a book or visited a city so as not to look uninformed or uncultured in someone’s eyes. I think this one is pride, and it's a whole other monster to be tackled on a different day!
So, how does this relate to the recurring question of my single status? When a question or some piece of information is repeatedly asked of me or placed before me, eventually I will dig deeper to see if I need to research the issue. I can’t seem to go more than a week without having this question asked of me, so I’m looking for answers. I fully believe that God is good and has protected my heart from being completely broken by a relationship not ordained by Him. He is leading me in His word and if He desires to change my singleness, He will do that too. My prayer is that He will make me ready for whatever the future holds by helping me to weed out any bits of insecurity that clutter my soul and interfere with the purposes He calls me to. The Christian life is a fierce battle, but with the Lord’s help, fear and mistrust will no longer hinder my relationships or keep me from speaking what I feel.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Blessed Birthday Weekend
A wonderful dinner with mom and dad at Outback on Friday night kicked off my birthday weekend. I had filet mignon, veggies, and an absolutely scrumptious baked sweet potato with butter and cinnamon. Our service was great and they have a gluten-free menu, so ordering was easy and not stressful at all! Mom and I each ordered the Thunder from Down Under to go (a huge flourless brownie with rich vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream). We savored them later at home.
On Saturday morning (Birthday Day!), I felt the Lord awakening me at 7:00 a.m. I sat in bed and began a daily study entitled: New Beginnings. I thought this was just perfect for the beginning of a new year…the final year of my 20’s! Two hours later I had sensed the Lord speaking to me about so many things…past, present and future. I don’t always have that much time to spend in God’s word, but He certainly blessed me that day with time and attentiveness to what He wanted to say to me.
Mom and I made our usual breakfast of scrambled eggs, mighty tasty hot cereal and fresh berries. Then we had a warm slice of freshly baked banana chocolate chip bread. It was so moist and the chocolate chips were still soft and melty. Yum! I found a new recipe earlier in the week and had to try it out. It smelled so delish baking, that we couldn’t wait to taste it. We then went over to Downtown Fairhope for an afternoon of shopping and dinner at the Fairhope Inn and Restaurant. The weather was nice, sunny and in the mid-sixties…such an answer to prayer! (I’m ready for summer!) Dinner was fabulous. This was our second time to eat at this little cottage of a restaurant. The atmosphere is quaint, friendly and very nice. We sat on the glass-enclosed porch overlooking the courtyard. There was quite a bit of green in the courtyard for mid-February, especially considering how freezing our temperatures have been this winter. We both ordered a small salad of mixed greens, candied pecans and apples with vinaigrette dressing. Then we each had the roasted salmon served over sweet potatoes and asparagus with freshly made hollandaise sauce. Everything was cooked perfectly, the service was impeccable and it truly was a fabulous, fabulous meal!
On Sunday the celebrating continued after church. My brother, sister-in-law, nephew and niece came over for lunch and we celebrated with molten chocolate cake for dessert. It certainly was a food-filled, family-filled, relaxing, peaceful, birthday weekend. Just the way I like it!
I had Monday off from work and was able to spend some lengthy time in The Word. Again, I was amazed and awestruck at how God ties all things together. I know I’m on the right track when Sunday sermons, group Bible studies and daily devotionals are all pointing me in the same direction (to the cross). I know He is speaking to me and wooing me to Himself. I’m grateful for this new beginning to go deeper.
On Saturday morning (Birthday Day!), I felt the Lord awakening me at 7:00 a.m. I sat in bed and began a daily study entitled: New Beginnings. I thought this was just perfect for the beginning of a new year…the final year of my 20’s! Two hours later I had sensed the Lord speaking to me about so many things…past, present and future. I don’t always have that much time to spend in God’s word, but He certainly blessed me that day with time and attentiveness to what He wanted to say to me.
Mom and I made our usual breakfast of scrambled eggs, mighty tasty hot cereal and fresh berries. Then we had a warm slice of freshly baked banana chocolate chip bread. It was so moist and the chocolate chips were still soft and melty. Yum! I found a new recipe earlier in the week and had to try it out. It smelled so delish baking, that we couldn’t wait to taste it. We then went over to Downtown Fairhope for an afternoon of shopping and dinner at the Fairhope Inn and Restaurant. The weather was nice, sunny and in the mid-sixties…such an answer to prayer! (I’m ready for summer!) Dinner was fabulous. This was our second time to eat at this little cottage of a restaurant. The atmosphere is quaint, friendly and very nice. We sat on the glass-enclosed porch overlooking the courtyard. There was quite a bit of green in the courtyard for mid-February, especially considering how freezing our temperatures have been this winter. We both ordered a small salad of mixed greens, candied pecans and apples with vinaigrette dressing. Then we each had the roasted salmon served over sweet potatoes and asparagus with freshly made hollandaise sauce. Everything was cooked perfectly, the service was impeccable and it truly was a fabulous, fabulous meal!
On Sunday the celebrating continued after church. My brother, sister-in-law, nephew and niece came over for lunch and we celebrated with molten chocolate cake for dessert. It certainly was a food-filled, family-filled, relaxing, peaceful, birthday weekend. Just the way I like it!
I had Monday off from work and was able to spend some lengthy time in The Word. Again, I was amazed and awestruck at how God ties all things together. I know I’m on the right track when Sunday sermons, group Bible studies and daily devotionals are all pointing me in the same direction (to the cross). I know He is speaking to me and wooing me to Himself. I’m grateful for this new beginning to go deeper.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Kicking it to the curb
I’m reading Beth Moore’s new book (So Long Insecurity) and wow! Before beginning the book, I looked back on the past and saw how insecure I was as a child, a teen and in my early 20’s. The attitudes and actions that accompany insecurity are obvious and are not pretty to be sure. I’m grateful that a few years ago the Lord in His great mercy gave me the awareness and grace to release myself from one of the ugliest forms of insecurity…perfectionism. It is a huge cover for insecurity and was my M.O. for far too long. I should apologize to anyone who knew me then…when I had bangs every hair had to be perfectly placed. This was not an easy feat for a curly-haired girl trying to make her hair straight in an extremely humid climate! My shirt had to be perfectly tucked in and then bloused just so. My nail polish had to exactly match my outfit, even if that meant changing the polish on a daily basis. Oh, the drama of it all. How did anyone stand to be around me?! It was ESSENTIAL for everything about my appearance to be a certain way, or so I thought. A person will go insane trying to keep this up and trying to figure out who she is expected to be according to other people, the media, and the world. Learning to see myself as God sees me enabled me to release myself from this constant perceived need to be perfect. As I began this new book, I thought I was in a pretty good place of “security”. Before I had even finished chapter 2, I was blown away by the feelings of insecurity that still fill my thoughts...the self-doubt, the anxiety, the self-consciousness, the wonderings of my place and purpose in the world. With one big ugly element of insecurity behind me and my eyes opened wide to its nasty relatives, I’m ready to kick these lingering feelings to the curb and live victoriously.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Things I Love
February is a lovely month….everywhere you look you see pink and red, hearts, chocolate, flowers…there is just an air of loveliness all around. Whether you are anticipating a special gift, date or like this Florida girl, anticipating spring just around the corner… February is a time for hope, joy and love. It is a time for cold, gray, winter days to fade away and warmer, sunnier days to be on the horizon. It is a time to focus on our blessings and the things we truly love…I love the smell of brownies in the oven. I love the sound of my nephew’s sweet little voice when he asks me to read a book with him. I love the way my niece lights up and her whole face shines when she sees any member of our family. I love singing in my car because there I can belt out a tune as though I were a Grammy-nominated pop star with no inhibitions about how terrible I may sound or who might hear me. I love the feeling of accomplishment I have after a nice long run. I love running errands on a sunny day. I love finding a cute pair of shoes that fit just right. I love when I see the hand of God at work in my life and in the lives of others. I love the taste of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, crisp on the outside…warm and gooey on the inside. I love long talks with my mom. I love sitting on the sofa with my sweet little Chloe Maltese after a long hard day. I love Saturdays for sleeping in and Sunday mornings for rising early to worship the Lord with my church family. I love fine dining in an unpretentious atmosphere. I love exploring new places. I love a sense of peace in knowing you are right where you are supposed to be. I love not knowing what tomorrow holds, but knowing who holds tomorrow.
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