Boys Lie

The other day while eating lunch at my mom’s house, my nephew said that he did not want to go home to his house that afternoon. My mom explained to him that his parents and little sister would want to see him and that she would not be home that evening for him to stay there, so he really must go home later. He went off to play for several minutes and returned to my mom and said, “I’ve been talking to mama and I don’t have to go home today”. My mom was shocked…he had certainly not been talking to his mama and had completely made up this little story so that he could get what he wanted. Wow, even at three years old we are programmed to lie to get what we want. It’s a funny little story and we’ve all laughed about it, but the truth is, we arrive on earth with a very real sin nature. Unless we turn to the Lord and let Him place good things in our hearts, we will continue to develop our sin nature and indulge our fleshly desires.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. -Galatians 5:22-23

This little incident, along with many other recent events…mainly a recurring question posed to me regarding my single status, and my commitment to allowing the Lord, through the So Long Insecurity Bible study, to weed out any areas of insecurity lingering in me has brought to me a very interesting revelation…

I had a conversation a few weeks ago with someone who talked about just being open and telling people how they feel. I found this really interesting because I tend to be very, very guarded when first meeting someone…male, female, young, old…I hold my cards close, very close until I feel like I know them pretty well. And the greater the perceived risk of hurt, the greater the wall that guards me. But, what if I’m missing out on valuable friendships and opportunities because of fear? Mostly fear of their trustworthiness. (We’ve already established our natural inclination to lying) Healthy fear protects us from danger, but what about fear that hinders our relationships with others or worse yet, keeps us from ever developing some relationships? Fear that holds us back from others may hold us back from the abundant life that Christ came for us to claim and embrace.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. -John 10:10

I love Leigh McLeroy’s mantra: speak what you feel, not what you ought to say. Believing that, doing that, opens us up to release our fears and be real with others...regardless of what they choose to do or how they think and feel about us.

Fear and distrust developed into insecurity for me when I realized that boys lie. To get what they want. To get out of doing what they don’t want to do. Girls lie too. Sadly enough, they are vicious and will turn on one another in an instant. We should encourage one another. It is a cruel, cruel world out there and we need each other, to build one another up and not tear one another down. Our natural response so often is to lie and not just for selfish reasons, but even simple things, like saying that we’ve read a book or visited a city so as not to look uninformed or uncultured in someone’s eyes. I think this one is pride, and it's a whole other monster to be tackled on a different day!

So, how does this relate to the recurring question of my single status? When a question or some piece of information is repeatedly asked of me or placed before me, eventually I will dig deeper to see if I need to research the issue. I can’t seem to go more than a week without having this question asked of me, so I’m looking for answers. I fully believe that God is good and has protected my heart from being completely broken by a relationship not ordained by Him. He is leading me in His word and if He desires to change my singleness, He will do that too. My prayer is that He will make me ready for whatever the future holds by helping me to weed out any bits of insecurity that clutter my soul and interfere with the purposes He calls me to. The Christian life is a fierce battle, but with the Lord’s help, fear and mistrust will no longer hinder my relationships or keep me from speaking what I feel.

Blessed Birthday Weekend

A wonderful dinner with mom and dad at Outback on Friday night kicked off my birthday weekend. I had filet mignon, veggies, and an absolutely scrumptious baked sweet potato with butter and cinnamon. Our service was great and they have a gluten-free menu, so ordering was easy and not stressful at all! Mom and I each ordered the Thunder from Down Under to go (a huge flourless brownie with rich vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream). We savored them later at home.

On Saturday morning (Birthday Day!), I felt the Lord awakening me at 7:00 a.m. I sat in bed and began a daily study entitled: New Beginnings. I thought this was just perfect for the beginning of a new year…the final year of my 20’s! Two hours later I had sensed the Lord speaking to me about so many things…past, present and future. I don’t always have that much time to spend in God’s word, but He certainly blessed me that day with time and attentiveness to what He wanted to say to me.

Mom and I made our usual breakfast of scrambled eggs, mighty tasty hot cereal and fresh berries. Then we had a warm slice of freshly baked banana chocolate chip bread. It was so moist and the chocolate chips were still soft and melty. Yum! I found a new recipe earlier in the week and had to try it out. It smelled so delish baking, that we couldn’t wait to taste it. We then went over to Downtown Fairhope for an afternoon of shopping and dinner at the Fairhope Inn and Restaurant. The weather was nice, sunny and in the mid-sixties…such an answer to prayer! (I’m ready for summer!) Dinner was fabulous. This was our second time to eat at this little cottage of a restaurant. The atmosphere is quaint, friendly and very nice. We sat on the glass-enclosed porch overlooking the courtyard. There was quite a bit of green in the courtyard for mid-February, especially considering how freezing our temperatures have been this winter. We both ordered a small salad of mixed greens, candied pecans and apples with vinaigrette dressing. Then we each had the roasted salmon served over sweet potatoes and asparagus with freshly made hollandaise sauce. Everything was cooked perfectly, the service was impeccable and it truly was a fabulous, fabulous meal!

On Sunday the celebrating continued after church. My brother, sister-in-law, nephew and niece came over for lunch and we celebrated with molten chocolate cake for dessert. It certainly was a food-filled, family-filled, relaxing, peaceful, birthday weekend. Just the way I like it!

I had Monday off from work and was able to spend some lengthy time in The Word. Again, I was amazed and awestruck at how God ties all things together. I know I’m on the right track when Sunday sermons, group Bible studies and daily devotionals are all pointing me in the same direction (to the cross). I know He is speaking to me and wooing me to Himself. I’m grateful for this new beginning to go deeper.

Kicking it to the curb

I’m reading Beth Moore’s new book (So Long Insecurity) and wow! Before beginning the book, I looked back on the past and saw how insecure I was as a child, a teen and in my early 20’s. The attitudes and actions that accompany insecurity are obvious and are not pretty to be sure. I’m grateful that a few years ago the Lord in His great mercy gave me the awareness and grace to release myself from one of the ugliest forms of insecurity…perfectionism. It is a huge cover for insecurity and was my M.O. for far too long. I should apologize to anyone who knew me then…when I had bangs every hair had to be perfectly placed. This was not an easy feat for a curly-haired girl trying to make her hair straight in an extremely humid climate! My shirt had to be perfectly tucked in and then bloused just so. My nail polish had to exactly match my outfit, even if that meant changing the polish on a daily basis. Oh, the drama of it all. How did anyone stand to be around me?! It was ESSENTIAL for everything about my appearance to be a certain way, or so I thought. A person will go insane trying to keep this up and trying to figure out who she is expected to be according to other people, the media, and the world. Learning to see myself as God sees me enabled me to release myself from this constant perceived need to be perfect. As I began this new book, I thought I was in a pretty good place of “security”. Before I had even finished chapter 2, I was blown away by the feelings of insecurity that still fill my thoughts...the self-doubt, the anxiety, the self-consciousness, the wonderings of my place and purpose in the world. With one big ugly element of insecurity behind me and my eyes opened wide to its nasty relatives, I’m ready to kick these lingering feelings to the curb and live victoriously.

Things I Love

February is a lovely month….everywhere you look you see pink and red, hearts, chocolate, flowers…there is just an air of loveliness all around. Whether you are anticipating a special gift, date or like this Florida girl, anticipating spring just around the corner… February is a time for hope, joy and love. It is a time for cold, gray, winter days to fade away and warmer, sunnier days to be on the horizon. It is a time to focus on our blessings and the things we truly love…I love the smell of brownies in the oven. I love the sound of my nephew’s sweet little voice when he asks me to read a book with him. I love the way my niece lights up and her whole face shines when she sees any member of our family. I love singing in my car because there I can belt out a tune as though I were a Grammy-nominated pop star with no inhibitions about how terrible I may sound or who might hear me. I love the feeling of accomplishment I have after a nice long run. I love running errands on a sunny day. I love finding a cute pair of shoes that fit just right. I love when I see the hand of God at work in my life and in the lives of others. I love the taste of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, crisp on the outside…warm and gooey on the inside. I love long talks with my mom. I love sitting on the sofa with my sweet little Chloe Maltese after a long hard day. I love Saturdays for sleeping in and Sunday mornings for rising early to worship the Lord with my church family. I love fine dining in an unpretentious atmosphere. I love exploring new places. I love a sense of peace in knowing you are right where you are supposed to be. I love not knowing what tomorrow holds, but knowing who holds tomorrow.

What's in a name?

It usually begins with tightness in my chest which leads to knots in my stomach and a sensation like rushing water through the veins in my neck. This is anxiety. I knew I internalized my stress, but never realized just how until I began using a heart rate monitor while exercising. The monitor made me aware of a tendency to hold my breath when exerting more energy during workouts. I then began to notice my breathing patterns during stressful situations such as driving in heavy traffic or when I’m running late (which is all too often, but we’ll save that topic for another post). The feelings of anxiety can occur at random times too…even when sitting down at night to catch up on an episode of The Biggest Loser which makes me wonder, “Why am I so anxious?” I don’t know which comes first, holding my breath or feeling anxious, but the two go hand in hand. So, I’m calling my blog Learning to Breath because that is what I’m doing right now. And I have to look no further than the loving words of my Heavenly Father:

Do not be anxious for anything, but in all things, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about your life… - Matthew 6:25

My grace is sufficient for you. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Be still so you won’t miss the great things God is doing. – Job 37:14

Be still by the side of the Lord. – Exodus 33:21

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret. – Psalm 37:7

Be still and know he is God. – Psalm 46:10

Let Jesus calm your storms, “Peace, be still.” – Mark 4:39

As I draw closer to his word, the Lord reveals precious treasures of encouragement, security and rest. When my soul is stilled, I’m reminded to inhale deeply and exhale slowly, to let his word go deep into my heart, mind and soul, to wash over me and to fill my life with his love and purposes. Here are a few more treasures:

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. – Psalm 150:6

The Lord God gives breath to the people and spirit to those who walk on the earth. “I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness, I will take you by the hand and keep you. – Isaiah 42:5-6

I will…put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the Lord. – Ezekiel 37:6